I don’t know his whole story, but I do know this... That pirate is one hell of a doctor. Yes, he tried to do a few radical treatments here and there, that were quite questionable. The patients suffering from a variety of ailments including stomach problems, gun shots, or headaches. His cure was often a prescription for a shoulder perching parrot; the patient being told that it’d be waiting at the prescription desk in a little brown bottle. (The treatment was later attacked by animal rights activists when they were citing that: “Some people weren’t taking their medicine”. Consequently those people had pill bottles full of dead parrots in their medicine cabinets) There was even quite a few cases of people coming in need of stitches on their hand, and leaving with a hook. Or getting a scrape on their knee, and walking out with a pegged leg. Or there was even that poor chap who came in with impotence problems, and walked out with... Well I’m sure you can guess.

Sure he was peg and parrot happy; but on the life of my 7 children, he was one helluva doctor.

As the story goes; and like I said I don’t know the whole story, nor do I have any claim to be a story teller. He was a scurvy pirate, sailing the seven seas, and some of the oceans and great lakes. He’d rob, he’d pillage, and he’d maim a few people here and there. Life was good for that pirate.

There came a day though when after seizing a large cargo vessel, he grew tired of hoisting plates, wine, and booty off of ships and then having to pass it to all his hearty scurvy mates. He wanted a change. And more money. He wanted to make lots of money. And he didn’t want to share (and still being able to cut people real good).

Those nagging thoughts, and the fact that he wasn’t applying his degree as a laboratory technician, and indulging in his love of shiny sharp objects brought him to a Catholic Hospital.

...He ate a bunch of looted Royal French silverware, got sick, and had to be taken to their emergency room.

While in that hospital, seeing the doctor splitting him open, (sure he saw it, he was a pirate! And pirates don’t do anesthesia), the notion jumped to him like body lice. Why he split many a man open! And look at this hospital bill! Getting paid to slice someone open? GLORIOUS!

And that was the day he decided to quarter that physician, steal his laminated hospital I.D. card and be a physician. Or rather a Ph.D.: Pirate hospital doctor.

No one, including myself thought he’d be any good as a physician at first. He won us over though...

Not with the plank walkings off the children’s wing into the fountain outside. Not with the drunken debauchery nightly at the nurses station. Not even the canon attacks on Mount Sinai hospital a block over.


It was when he completed that near impossible quadruple bypass on that elderly gent. In all my years as a hospital Janitor, You’ve never seen a man with no depth perception, do such delicate work with a rusted hook and some flair. Brings a tear to my eye. And nope, I’m not getting drunk on lysol again when I say this:


God bless you pirate doctor.

Aye, Return me to:

The World of Justin Gall

...he be a scurvy salted dog... Aye!