for some time now, had phenomenal success finding a date over the net.
Why I've gotten more sex than a paralyzed Korean crack whore laid out on
the poop deck of U.S. Battleship. Of course I can get lovin' anywhere,
but I thought I'd take time out of my busy love making schedule to teach
you web-heads a thing or two.
numero "UNO" for you lovely latin ladies... Rrrrrwow!
"Find yourself a personal ad site!"
hard to put out a personal ad, or respond to one without
first having a place to do it.
And don't worry Tiger, I'll give you a list of personal ad sites later.
Step 2! Nombre
"DEUX" for all you French speaking fillies! (and the French women
Write that Personal ad!!
Ok here's the meat. Here's what you've
been looking for, and here's what you really came here to find out how
to do right? I know you, you've had some trouble writing a successful
ad. Here's how to do it.
|S- single (not engaged)||W-white (like no pigment)||F-female (i.e. a woman)||ISO- in search of|
|G-gay||A-asian||Bo- both organs||DSP-desperate|
|D- divorced||H-hispanic||??- doesn't know||CIS-covered in spiders|
Pick a title that from the rest, but in a nutshell tells who you are, and what you're looking for. Here's some examples that have really been successful.
Example: "90 yo cross dresser iso someone to dress him/her"
Example: "I'm fat, but I'm easy, write me if you want a chunk of my action"
Example: "Young, leggy, brown haired widow, looking for trusting older richer male"
Example: "Chemically dependent male, seeks rich co-dependent female."
me love you 'till your deaf. Dr. in lovin' knows how to do it!"
the last example was from my ad, but I always have a lot of success with
the ladies, so I had to put it in.
Now when writing your subject line don't tell them too much about yourself. Leave them wanting more. And that's where the body, or the personal ad itself comes in!
goofy, fairly attractive (at least I think so). Seeks smart witty
person, to have sarcastic cynical conversations about society, or about
Elvis... God love him! Well enough about you back to me. I'm 6'4
a writer/cartoonist/artist all around/wise cracker/EVIL!!! I've got
brown hair, green eyes, two arms, three legs and a partridge family
in a rose bush. Well E-mail me, you have no choice... You are
mesmerized by me. You will E-mail me! Oh yeah I'm 18 going on 19
in may (my golden birthday). I don't care how old you are. Should I?
I'm 5'6", brunette, single male, looking for
hot wild Godzilla sex. Do you like rolling
around on Japanese buildings, or even having Japanese
people shout at you and run while having sex????
Well so do I!!!!! So please contact me.
Maybe we could wrestle for the fate of Japan.
friends say I'm a little "out there", and I must admit
that this whole personal thing is really "alien" to me, but here
it goes. I like mutilating cows, making crop circles, abducting
and implanting people with metal objects. If you like to do the
same please contact me.
Subject: Satan worshiper iso human sacrifice.
If you want to submit your body and soul to Satan,
please contact me.
My hobbies are: Worshipping Satan, Animal Sacrifices,
reason that first ad back there sounded a lot like someone I knew.
That is waaaay back when he was 18. Hmmm... For the life of
me I can't think of who. Oh well!
Ok so those are some good examples of how to write an ad. Now, let's think about answering one.
Ok... now let's learn how to!
Effectively Answering Ads!
you need to find an ad service first, and then find an ad before you can
answer it. (duh!) You know who you are, you know what you're
looking for. I can't help you there. Unless you're a fine "tall
glass of water" type woman looking for a drinker. I can help you
out there baby. All you got to do is write me. Me Harry Genitales...
PHD. I've got a long tongue, and a big ass thirst. I'll lap
you up, and maybe get one of those bendable straws and suck you dry like
a wet dry vac. Ooo yeah...
Step 1. You
remember what that is don't you Lovely Latin ladies don't you? Even
some of you un lovely latin ladies. You remember who wrote that,
and that he's always available to give you some lovin'.
Examples of how to answer an ad effectively...
also enjoy bondage! And I've got a case of super glue and a red ant
waiting to be opened. Write me, and let's get together. I could glue your head
to the bottom of a steel girder, and you let your imagination fill in the rest.
I liked your ad, and I must admit I too enjoy horse back riding and just
lounging by the fireplace on cold nights. Sounds like we have a lot in common!
I'm tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, 6'2", 35yo, fit, and I've been told that I'm good
looking (mostly by my mom... ha!). And I'd love to hear more about you and what
you're interested in. So far you sound terrific! And if you don't hear back from
me right away it's because I'll be up at my cabin. My invilid mother's driving me
crazy! So I have to leave dad and mom at home for a bit. (they're ok if I date though)
Talk to you later!
Hey baby, I'm a doctor. Doctor of love. You can call me Mr.
Love, but all the
women that I've been with me call me Harry. I know how to give good lovin', and
if you just write back to me baby, we'll start talkin'. Reeeal slow, and reeeeal nice.
And then I'll get you alone, and chances are you'll fall for me, and you'll run the risk
of having your belly button unraveld like so many other women I've been with.
Write me baby, you won't be disappointed.
Howdy! I'm a single female interested in the finer things in life...
But you'll do.
I'm 5'9, 25yrs old, long brown hair, 125lbs, and graduating Harvard this fall.
I'm all female, and as long as you aren't, I think we can get along just peachy.
And there you have it. Now you basically know how to answer ads, and write them and the whole nine yards as best as your newest and bestest best friend Harry Genitales, PH.D. So what are you wating for? Go to the personal ad sites below!
A collection, not necessarily a good one.
Letters to Harry